Visser Labs

Or more eloquently, How Not To Be Gay.

1. A Man should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.
2. A Man should not swing his arms when he is walking.
3. A Man should never carry a woman’s handbag.
4. A Man should never go tanning.
5. No Man should dye their hair.
6. A Man should never refer to an athlete as a “stud”.
7. A Man should not “pop” his collar.
8. A Man should not speak more than two languages.
9. A Man should never say “It’s to die for”.
10. A Man should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.
11. A Man should not wear an ascot.
12. A Man should never use the following terms: “fantabulous”, “ginormous” and “fierce”.
13. A Man should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.
14. A Man should never “sip” and alcoholic drink through a straw.
15. A Man should never wear a blouse.
16. If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.
17. A Man should not wear crocs.
18. A Man should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.
19. A Man should never wear a sweater over his shoulders.
20. A Man should not eat grapes from the vines.
21. A Man should never rollerblade.
22. The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone,
23. If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
24. A Man should never, ever wear capri pants.
25. A Man should not wear flip flops with a suit.
26. No Man should wear a speedo to the beach.
27. No Man should ever get a pedicure.
28. A Man should never highlight his hair.
29. A Man should not talk to another man in the bathroom.
30. A Man should never sing show tunes.
31. A Man should never eat out of another man’s hands.
32. Two Man should not share an umbrella.
33. A Man should not have “an outfit”, with the exception of a suit.
34. A Man should not wear a white belt.
35. A Man should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.
36. You must never own a cat.
37. Never dis a Man if his team just lost a crushing game.
38. As a Man you are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more. And if you like Grease, well, you’re already too late.
39. If you go the bar with your bros, you must buy a round of drinks at least once.
40. There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.
41. NO P.D.A. (Public Displays of Affection). Hey, congratulations, another girl can stand the sight of you. You don’t need to wear her like a fucking trophy.
42. Don’t tell other bros elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.
43. Never openly question another bros sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team. It doesn’t matter how ludicrous the other Bro sounds telling you that Jake Plummer was better than Steve McNair last season, let said Bro be.
44. Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.
45. Never share a bed with another bro, unless there’s no way around it.
46. If you owe a bro money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it’s a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.